Just Dan Grant

If there is one parent panic moment that I hate more than any other, it’s that moment when you realize that you are one less kid than you should be. Kid swallows something, this too shall pass. Kid writes on something with permanent marker, odds are you can get it out. Kid sticks something somewhere it shouldn’t be, I can work with that.

But when they go on their own journey and leave the relative safety of where they should be – I hate that. The fear that grips your entire being, the overwhelming sense of helplessness is nauseating. I have even been in situations where someone else can’t find their kid and I get panicked for them.

Your mind goes to the worst case scenario possible. They’ve been abducted, they have fallen down a well, someone else has them and they are talking to child services, or they wandered into the DMV and got in line.

Needless to say, I like knowing where my kids are. We don’t have a perfect record – we have left a kid at church once or twice. Pretty sure we have gotten separated from one at the store. Definitely left one at a funeral home once.

(That’s actually a funny story. We were there for a viewing – there was a ton of people there. Our oldest daughter sat down to watch a slideshow on the tv with a bunch of other kids. When it was time to leave – there was still a ton of people – we corralled everyone, including an infant in a stroller, and loaded up the van. During that process, I got a phone call which lasted for a good 20 min. Sarah was taking care of the infant, and it was pretty quiet in the van because we had a movie on. We were 35 minutes down the road – still 5 minutes from the house – when one of the kids spoke up and informed us that we were one shy of a full van. The one who spoke up even confessed that he had noticed it from the beginning, but failed to say anything because he was distracted by the movie. And so we had to hustle back to the funeral home to pick up the rather content child who was still watching the slideshow.)

It happens.

While we put a priority on the physical location of our children, we are loosing them on a daily basis and they are wandering into some of the most dangerous scenarios imaginable all while sitting in their bedroom, in your house.

We are loosing them digitally.

As a family, we are on the start of this journey ourselves. The kids all got tablets for Christmas this year. It’s like Frodo just got the ring and he’s working his way through the Shire. He hasn’t hit Mordor yet, but it’s a-comin.

We took some precautions early on in the initial set up to keep them safe. They are linked to my wife’s account, so she can see what they are doing. We know what streaming apps they use and what games they play, but there is an awful lot they really don’t care about at this point. They don’t have a need to communicate, or to connect with social media. Thankfully their selfie game is not very serious either.

But there is danger nonetheless.

Did you know that the average age in which kids are exposed to pornography is just 11?! Eleven. These kids are still pretty convinced that the opposite sex still has cooties, and they are getting exposed to nudity.

How is this happening?

Sadly, for many, it’s because we have lost our kids online and they have been digitally abducted right under our noses. Worst part is, we haven’t even realized that they are gone.

As a parent – I hate panic moments – they are the worst. As a Youth Pastor, I hate that moment when a teenager’s mom and dad realize that their child has been lost somewhere digitally for weeks and months on end. The embarrassment, the shock, the fear that washes over their face is sickening. Then they wonder what can be done to repair the damage that this has caused, how do they get their child back on the right path and in the relative safety of their supervision?

Suffice to say, if your child/teen has a device, and that device is connected to the Internet, they need guidance. A lot of guidance. A lack of guidance would be foolish. It would be as foolish as dropping your child off in White Marsh, and telling them to walk through Baltimore and meet you in Ellicott City. Unsupervised and unchaperoned. No way! You say. That’s dangerous! How could you?!

Odds are your teen won’t have anything bad happen to them whilst walking through Baltimore by themselves – because you won’t let them do that. But I would bet that a child or teen with unfiltered Internet access will most likely end up in a world of hurt.

So how do you keep tabs on your child while they are online? The days of just making sure the computer is in the family room are gone. The devices are hand-held and wireless. So what do we do?

• Know what they have. Devices, Apps, and Accounts. Know what devices they have – even old devices that have internet access. Passwords should not be a mystery to you. Devices can be set up with parental controls that do not allow apps to be added or deleted without permission. If they have social media accounts, you should also be on that account.
• Know where they have it. Require that devices are used in plain sight. Many families require all active handheld devices to be left on the counter at bed time. Nothing is taken into the privacy of their bedroom. Nothing good happens on a smartphone after midnight.
• Know who they are with. Who are they following? Who is following them? Who do they communicate with? I know for a fact that many teens barely use actual messaging apps to communicate – but that they do so through social media, games, you name it.
• Know how much they are with it. Kids will be on a device until it dies, which actually takes awhile. The longer they stay on it, the more bored they get, the more tempted they get, the more exposed they get. Limit that time and encourage them to live an actual life.
• Know you can still manage this. At times, dealing with your child/teen on this digital frontier can seem extremely overwhelming. So just manage what you can. Take it one step at a time. Give your child/teen the opportunity to join with you on keeping them safe. Read up on the dangers your child is facing. Don’t leave them wide open for attack.

All of these precautions sounds like it comes from someone who does not trust their child. Of course not! We trust our children – we just don’t trust the devil inside them. Our children are under attack now more than ever. The efforts to desensitize them to immorality, train them to accept what is the cultural norm, and replace real relationships with digital ones are affecting our children day by day and hour by hour.

Do yourself and your offspring a favor. Know where they are digitally. Reinforce your relationship with them so they are comfortable with talking to you about where their device is taking them. Know that they will thank you in the future for keeping them safe today.

Go find your kid.