About nine or so years ago I went in for a check up at the doctor’s office. Completely normal visit, everything was great, and life was awesome. No reason to fix anything, change anything, and nothing was wrong. Six months later, I went in for another check up (right after my 30th birthday) and things were a little different.

I had 9 months left to live.

Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. It wasn’t anything close to that. But to hear my doctor tell it, I was convinced I was on my way out.

He didn’t like the way my lungs sounded – as an asthmatic this wasn’t a surprise, but apparently they had deteriorated enough that he was concerned. So I got to start a new steroidal inhaler twice a day. He then went on to mention that my asthma could have been affected by my weight, and that I should look to watch my diet and work on some exercise. I told him that was hitting below the belt, but he said that at this point I probably couldn’t see my belt without a mirror. (He didn’t say that but I know he was thinkin it).

I thought I was out of the woods, but then he continued.

He asked me how I thought my cholesterol was doing. I told him that the last I checked, it was fine. He shared the good news with me that it wasn’t fine – not sure how that was good news – but that it could be managed by a pill taken daily. I guess that was the good news. I declined the pill and told him I would just stop eating a BLT for breakfast every morning.

He laughed, I laughed, and then he asked “Wait, are you eating a BLT for breakfast every morning?!”

I miss those BLT’s for breakfast every morning.

The visit was better from there, having narrowly escaped the jaws of death due to middle age, I walked out realizing why some folks fall apart when they hit 30. Next time I hit a significant age, I’m going to avoid the doctor for a year. When I hit 60, I think I will avoid him for a couple of years.

Whether you hate it or not, that health check is necessary.

Side note – if you are a husband, father, or just a dude in general, get yourself checked out. Don’t be that guy that hurts himself and others because he’s too much of a man to take care of himself.

I believe it’s important for all of us to do some inspection and introspection on a regular basis.

So considering where you were a year ago, and where you are now, how are you doing?

Look, we have had a year of it. I wouldn’t say it’s been the hardest year ever – there are some years that have this one beat for sure, but it’s been a contender. Many of us have had to walk through things that we never dreamed we would, and our lives have been reshaped in ways that have tested us.

So how you doin?

How are you physically? What excuses have you made in the past year that have affected your physical heath? It didn’t help that we had a TP shortage, but ice cream and pizza was readily available. Hasn’t helped that the gyms have been shut down, or you have to wear a mask on the treadmill. I know that some people take physical fitness to an extreme, but some take avoiding it to the extreme. Are you hanging tough mentally? For me, there was about nine months that I didn’t have a single news app on my phone or channel set for it on the TV. I blocked and avoided a lot of negative input from social media – from people and otherwise. Mentally, there was enough stress going on in life that I didn’t need to add to it. I have seen anxiety and depression rise in teenagers and adults at an incredible rate. Spiritually, how doeth thou? Has your Target parking lot seen you more faithfully than your church parking lot? Have you developed a greater anticipation for the Amazon driver to show up than the Holy Spirit to? If you had a spiritual check up, would you be on the healthy side or the anemic side? A lot of relationships have been strained over the last year because we haven’t been able to be around those we love and sadly, if we are honest with ourselves, our relationship with God probably felt that strain as well. FaceTime isn’t the same as face to face time, and online worship just isn’t the same as in-person worship.

And keep in mind – just as your physical health can affect the ones you love, your mental and spiritual health can be an encouragement or detriment to them as well. Skipping any of these areas is like going to the gym and missing a muscle group. You can always tell who skips leg day. You can also tell who never misses Taco Tuesday.

At the end of the day, our physical, mental, and spiritual health is worth our attention. Hopefully we can be honest enough with ourself to do a self-check, or ask a friend to provide some accountability. But if we never check, or we never ask, we could find ourselves in a health crisis that could greatly affect our life and the lives of those around us.

So how you doin?

I am seeing something happen this year that I never expected. Well TBH, there are a lot of things that have happened this year that I never expected. This has definitely been a year for worsts and firsts.

But what I didn’t expect was that we would forget to be thankful.

I know this has been a horrible year for all, and I realize we have lost a lot. So many things have been cancelled or shut down, and now there are even restrictions on what you do in your home.

But there is still much to be thankful for.

In the past, when we had all of our freedoms and privileges intact and when nothing was going wrong in the world, folks would post on social media every day what they were thankful for. It was a challenge that thousands of folks took part in every year. For some reason, we skipped that this year.

Now if you have been doing that and I haven’t seen it, my apologies and well done. Honestly, I myself have never managed to post a thankful post every day – I usually forget after the third day. So I am going to try to catch up. Here goes:

This year, in 2020, I am thankful for :

1. Masks. There. I said it. I haven’t smelled someone’s coffee breath since March and I can’t complain. I have also been able to stick my tongue out at all kinds of folks and they have no idea. They also remind me very quickly when I haven’t brushed my teeth.
2. Social distancing. I am a youth pastor. I love social distancing. I was preaching social distancing before it was even a thing. And to think I only wanted 6 inches. 6 whole feet?! It’s been a dream. Take that snuggling teenagers!
3. Toilet Paper. The white gold. You don’t know what you have until you don’t have it. I honestly think that the toilet paper shortage had the biggest impact on the economy. A lack of toilet paper will bring anything to a screeching halt. But when you find a roll of that wonderfulness – it’s a good day.
4. Hand Sanitizer. But only the good smelling kind. I appreciate all these companies who retrofitted to make sanitizer – but if you can’t make it and have it smell good, why bother? Also, you never have to ask the question “Do I have any paper cuts?” when you are using hand sanitizer.
5. Universal Excuse. It seems like you can get away with almost anything by using Covid as an excuse. Q: “Why were you late for work?” A: “Covid”. Q: “What do we tell the Joneses about dinner tomorrow?” A: “We can’t. Covid.” I can’t wait to get pulled over and use it. Q: “Sir, is there a reason you were driving so fast?” A: “Yes I heard a report that Covid does not stick to surfaces going over 70 miles per hour. So, Covid.”
6. Social Distancing. Yes, again. Really, some people don’t understand the concept of a personal bubble. They get all up in your grill and close the gap when you try to back up. And who likes it when the dude in the store stands behind you so close you can tell what he had for lunch? Go stand on your circle bro.
7. Random out of stock items. Some things just can’t stay on the shelf and there is no logical explanation for it. I get meat, milk, bread, etc. That just makes sense. But some things just disappear for no reason. It has brought out the hunter/gatherer in all of us.
8. Amazon. Not really for me, but it has kept my wife sane. Pretty sure they are opening a warehouse down the road from us to just save time bringing things to our house. Wouldn’t be surprised if Santa was driving a Prime tractor trailer instead of a sleigh this year.
9. Disney Plus. I have been able to relive my childhood on Disney Plus. I have subjected my kids to movies that rocked my world, and then had to apologize because I never realized how terrible they were. That said, there is a lot of material on there for some remakes. Let’s reboot Flight of the Navigator!
10. Melatonin. Wow. How was I ever sleeping without Melatonin? What a wonderful thing! They need to expand the products involving Melatonin. Like melatonin jello cups or melatonin ice cream. Dark chocolate covered melatonin would be the bomb.
11. Food delivery. From Grub Hub to Instacart – food coming to your door is just another reminder of how lazy we have become, but I am good with it. The day that quality restaurant food comes to your door and you never have to deal with waiting for a table, the waiter ignoring you, the kids going nuts until the food shows up – this was a good day.
12. Curbside pickup. Curbside pickup at Target has saved my life and my budget. Because we all know you just can’t run into Target for 10 minutes, and you can’t just buy one thing. Buying one thing turns into carrying a basket, which turns into pushing a cart, which turns into over 45 minutes to just buy TP and you spend over $100 whilst forgetting to actually get the TP. Thank you curbside pickup.
13. Home cooked meals. Say what you will about a quarantine, but when my wife has time to cook, she cooks. All those recipe books that were propping up the shelf that held all the Ramen really came in handy. Definitely secured my Dad bod physique during this pandemic.
14. The Postal Service. I don’t know about your neighborhood, but our mail delivery turned into a completely random event. Which makes getting mail all the more exciting. It really has become a throw back to the Pony Express – you never know when it’s going to show up, the mail carrier is exhausted, and there is always a chance that angry savages will attack.
15. Mask varieties. Some folks just go with the standard hospital special – keeping it legit and safe. But there have been some masks that have brought out the ingenuity in some folks without question. I have seen shop rags, shirt sleeves, sleep masks, and socks worn in desperation to enter a store. Thank goodness we aren’t all wearing the same mask. It would get pretty boring.
16. Government officials. This has been a trying time for all of them, but I am thankful regardless. Hey, pretty sure I voted for some of them. And to think before all of this – I had no idea who some of my state’s officials were! Now I know who my governor and my county executive are! I even know who the governors are for several other states. Never thought I would know that.
17. Reviews. In all the online purchases we have made in the past few months, reading the reviews on any given item have been the best part of some of these purchases. People are just plain funny and have some pretty high expectations for something you’re spending $15 dollars on that’s coming to you in 3 days from China. People and their opinions are what make the internet so amazing!

See, just like that I was able to find 17 days worth of things to be thankful for even in a pandemic. Obviously, most of these are dripping in sarcasm, and the list is meant to be lighthearted. Realistically, we are blessed. Even in a pandemic, with political turmoil, overbearing regulations, civic unrest, and a renewed toilet paper shortage – there’s a lot to be thankful for.

Go make your list and be thankful for it.

First time I ever heard that phrase was from my mother. “I have just about had enough” was a pretty common utterance in our house, and justifiably so. I mean we had moments of driving our mother to the brink of insanity on a weekly basis, if not daily. Four children, three boys and one girl, each with a different personality, one hearing impaired, and three that just didn’t listen. We would go after each other, two would team up against the other two, one would be at odds with all three, and at some point we would join forces to destroy the house.

And then Mom would just about have enough.

We knew then, that to proceed, was to risk death, dismemberment, or worse, Dad would employ some kind of “creative discipline” method to correct behavior. Ever been tied to a sibling with enough length of rope so you can use the bathroom while the other stands outside? Odd, cruel, but effective. Pretty sure that was implemented when Mom had just about enough one of those many times.

I am starting to feel like I have just about had enough.

As we step into a new month, we are seven months into what may be remembered as one of the biggest events in world history. I don’t want to be so crass as to put this in the same list as the Great Depression or a World War, but we are talking about an event that has affected the world as a whole, and it will be some time before we see the end of its effects. This year has changed the way we do so many things, has polarized our views politically, has made us revaluate common practices and habits, and sadly, has divided us as a nation.

I think there is one factor in why this event may not belong in the same category as so many others – unity. Our country – our world has faced major upheavals before, but in those events, we were united in one common goal. Whether it was to work together to survive a depression, defeat an enemy, or rebuild from a disaster, we did it together.

We aren’t together anymore. We are in this together, but we aren’t in this together.

Walk 6 feet in any direction (see what I did there?) in any store and you will find a difference of opinion, a staunch belief in what is going on, a different experience over the past several months that has brought them to their conclusion. What is right is customizable for each individual, what is wrong is subject to change week by week and day by day.

It also seems like we just can’t get along like we used to. I have personally never seen so many altercations in public, in broad daylight, in normally civil places then I have in the recent past. There’s a marked lack of patience, respect, and kindness in our community. Everyone is just so afraid of everything, and in their fear they resort to fight or flight mode. Ready to fight others or run away from them.

I think the lack of togetherness is what brings me to the point of just about having enough. I believe we can get through a lot as a nation, a people, a church, a family – but we have to do so together. But I have a bad feeling that we may not see the unification of our nation again any time soon.

So how do we get back together again?

• Family
  • I hope we are still spending time together as families. We have started to experience more freedom and can get out and about again, but honestly, the pandemic did a lot of good for family time. Eating meals as a family, being home in the evenings more often than not, finding activities to occupy our time, and other efforts to stave off cabin fever, really did a good thing for the family unit. Strong families help create strong communities.
• Faith
  • So many businesses, small and large, took a major hit from the economy being shut down. Churches were not exempt. Pews are empty, services are cancelled, and doors are shut. What saddens me is as stores and shops open up, folks visit in droves, but as churches open up – the response is different. Shopping is safe, but worship is not. My fear is that we just got used to having the convenience of church in our pajamas on the couch – it has truly become a spectator sport for so many. I can’t help but think that a lack of in-person worship has affected us in more ways than we realize. Strong churches help create strong communities.
• Fellowship
  • It struck me a few weeks ago, in an address by the Governor, that the number one activity that resulted in increased sickness was – family gatherings. It stuck in my mind for two reasons 1) People will risk anything for the chance of a potluck, burgers, or wings 2) People need other people. I discovered a few things relationally during these few months: my neighbors have names, there are good people in my life that I need to spend more time with, and we are losing the art of opening our homes. I am so glad that we have been able to have people come into our house again. It has strengthened relationships like never before. Strong relationships help create strong communities.

People have asked the question of what are we going to say as we look back 10, 20, or 30 years from now? How are we going to explain this to our children and grandchildren? How are things going to look in the next few years?!

Lots of questions. Not many real or positive answers. But one thing is for sure. We won’t be able to make it to that looking back point on our own. We will have to do it together. And I have just about had enough of not feeling like we are.

I haven’t written anything in a minute. Several weeks in fact. I have started to write, but it feels like the topic is only on my mind at the time. It is tough to write when: 1) Everyone is writing about the same thing and 2) There are so many articles out there that it would take all day to read them. So I have focused on other things, the family, the ministry, and just trying to find a new balance in this time.

One of the biggest reasons that I haven’t written anything, is because there are so many opinions out there, that it’s almost impossible to write anything without taking a side, feeding a fear, or putting people at odds.

I don’t think I have ever spent so much time talking with folks – especially my wife about current events, news stories, and articles that are “shedding new light” on this situation. Usually, I am bringing up a story or article and the focus of the day is on something else, like sports or entertainment. I am one step behind or on another channel. It’s amazing how our time and focus has been freed up and directed, with the absence of other activities. So now we are all focused on one thing.

Now that this situation has the bulk of our attention, there is so much information coming at us every day, hour, and minute. It is simply too much information to accurately process. Headlines grab our attention, social media spreads a story or article faster than the actual virus, and everyone forms their opinions as they attempt to keep up with this avalanche of information. I honestly wish, at some point, the complete truth would be laid bare for the simple reason that everyone would know what to believe – but even if it did, I bet folks would question it. Shoot – we still have people discussing whether the Earth is round or flat.

So I am not going to share my opinions about this situation. I have some, but they are mine. Right or wrong, they are none of your business. I was told once that “Opinions are like underwear. Most people have them, but there’s no need to show everyone.” Works for me, even in a world where people share their opinions, and oddly, their underwear for all the world to see.

Instead, I want to share with you some comforting truth that you CAN believe. I have vetted out the source, and it has stood the test of time:

• God loves you and He is in control. I think this is one of the biggest facts that people lose sight of and then lose hope when they do. I believe that a lot of the calamity and sadness in the world stems from a lack of belief that God loves every individual.
• People need you. I appreciate how so many institutions have turned their efforts to aiding those in need. There is a lot of need out there – and no matter what is going on in the news, we would all live quite a bit better if we lived for others more. The mental, emotional, and physical health of those around us are a priority. Instead of pulling into your shell and focusing on your problems – make someone your project. Encourage, support, and cheer them on any way you can. It will help them – it will help you.
• Focus on what matters. Christ is the example in all things and especially this. Government oppression, taxation, sickness, violence, racism, and corruption were in His face on a daily basis. What a platform He had, to speak on all the “issues” plaguing the world around him. He instead spoke on things that actually matter. Our relationship with God. Our conduct in this world. Our responsibility to those around us. Our faith in our good good Father.

Look, I get caught up in things too. It’s hard not to. But it is easy to filter what is in your face. Politicians have a goal, the media has an agenda, social media is biased, some people are toxic, some people are ignorant. But I don’t have to feed into that or add to it. It would be far better for me to encourage and love, than it would to polarize and infect. Instead of spreading opinion, I can spread truth.

Truth and love won’t give someone anxiety or depression.

Let’s affect others positively today. I believe it will help.

This pandemic has increased a lot of things in our lives. Hand-washing, quarantining, social distancing, sanitizing, cleaning, Netflix and chilling, and the list goes on. I can honestly say that I have never spent so much time on social media in my life! It has definitely become a necessity of late.

One thing that has not increased for me is worry. I simply do not entertain any uncertain fear in my life. I have had my share of it, and my fill of it, and I will not give it one more ounce of my energy or time.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are things that I worry about. If you didn’t know already, I work full time with teenagers. Teenagers cause worry. That’s why middle aged men suddenly go from dark hair to grey hair in a few years. It’s teenagers. I love them to death, but even I am starting to grey and get worry lines. I worry that they are doing something they will regret, worry that they won’t show up for an activity, worry that they will prank me – and then I will have to retaliate – and then some angry parent calls about a pile of manure in their yard, and so on and so forth.

I do worry. But I refuse to live in it, and worry about things that only God can control.

Let me tell you why.

I spent four wonderful years in a christian college in sunny Florida, learning and training for the ministry. Crazy thing though – they want you to pay for college, and some ask that you do it up front. I went down to college with enough money to get me started and then absolutely no plan for what to do about the rest. I took out a small loan my freshmen year to keep me enrolled, and then I just figured it would all work out. And it did, eventually…… after hours and hours of working on campus and miracle after miracle which saved me from being sent home. But things got tight during that time. I checked the cushions in the seating areas, more than once, for change to do laundry. I was paid to clean showers for room inspections, donated plasma for cash, came back on campus early to move luggage around, worked every hour of every summer to make ends meet, and all during that time I worried. Worried about the next bill that was due, worried I would have to leave early, worried I wouldn’t make my loan payment, worried I would not have clean clothes to wear to class, a whole mess of worrying. There were two separate situations where I had to make a payment before I would receive my exam permit, which would allow me to take exams – and I had no cash to do it with. Both times I left my room and began walking to the class where I needed to take the exam – knowing that without my permit, they would send me out of class and there would be a mess to deal with. Both times, as I stepped out in faith, I discovered on the way to class that my bill had been paid and my permit was waiting for me.

I made a decision way back then. I was done worrying. I remember praying in my dorm room and simply telling God that I had given Him my life a long time ago, and that He had set me on this path to get an education, and He had brought me to this college. I told Him then, that if I had to leave and go home, I would do so without shame or embarrassment, because I was only doing what He told me to do. So from that point on, I was done being afraid of what I could not control. He would just need to take care of things ahead of time so that I wouldn’t worry about it. It was kind of a bold prayer for me, but hey, the Bible says we can come boldly to Him, so I went for it.

A crazy thing happened not long after that. I was awarded a scholarship. Blew my mind. I had no idea it was coming. I remember sitting in a chapel service and they announced my name at random. I recall saying “What?!” out loud in disbelief – which prompted some laughs from those around me. I found out later that the scholarship would be awarded the next year – my Senior year – and at the beginning of the spring semester. Once I got through the first half of my Senior year, I was set financially. And then the most amazing part – when I graduated, and went down to settle my account, and get my diploma (after I cleaned my room), I was told that there was still an amount on my account. I was a little surprised – only to be left dumbfounded when they told me it was money they owed me, not that I owed them. I graduated, after working and worrying my way through college, and they wrote me a check and handed me my diploma.

I walked away from that experience with a profound understanding. There was no need to worry about what only God can control and what He has already figured out.

If he can put several people and a bunch of animals with Noah on a boat and take care of them for a year, then He can take care of me. If he can use a large fish as the first Uber driver and have it barf a misguided prophet back onto the right path, He can lead me where I need to go. If a bunch of ticked off brothers could dump their sibling into a pit, and it lead to the protection of Egypt during a seven year drought, then the unexpected in my life is a part of His perfect plan.

And if you suffer from worry, I am not calling you out. If I was, I would be sleeping on the couch tonight. But I am not worried, we have a comfortable couch. Seriously though, worry is only as bad as you allow it to be. I am not speaking from judgement, but from experience. The nights of sleep I lost as a college student, and nights that I have lost since then as a husband, parent, and youth pastor, all bear witness to the fact that worry can take control of your thoughts and ultimately ruin your life.

So here are some things that help me:

• Can I control this? If it was something like, my weight, I can control that. Put the ice cream down and go jog around the block. I can control that. If it’s something like a global pandemic – can’t control it. Don’t want to. So I can’t worry about it or the ramifications that it brings.
• Did God plan this? Yes. Yes He did. So if He planned it, and to the best of your ability, you are where you are supposed to be, then you have nothing to worry about. There’s a song I heard in college that said “The will of God won’t lead you where the grace of God can’t keep you”. I believe that I am exactly where God wants me to be right now, so if I lose my job or get sick or run out of toilet paper, God knows, and He planned for it.
• Will I get through this? No. Yes. Maybe. Don’t know. I have today to worry about and I have enough going on with that. I am running on 4 hours of sleep right now, because my little one kept waking us. We have been in this house for the last three weeks. I need to focus on today. The Bible instructs us to do that – focus on today because tomorrow has it’s own issues. (that’s a paraphrase not a different version so calm down) We could all get sick and have a terrible weekend, but we are physically healthy now – so we are going to make the most of it today.

I heard someone say that “Worrying must help, because most of the things I worry about, never happen.” And it’s true. The stock market, the job situation, the finances, the in-laws, the government, the pandemic – what is going to happen is going to happen whether you worry about it or not.

I’m not.

Have you ever played this game? It can be fun, and awkward all at the same time. Here’s how to play: A group of people get in a circle of sorts, and one by one, the players announce “never have I ever —” and declare something they have never done. You can go really generic like “never have I ever – gotten a pedicure” and all those who have gotten a pedicure lose a point. Or you can get really specific and personal, like “never have I ever, accidentally shaved an eyebrow off” and that one friend you know who had a lapse in judgment loses a point. It’s pretty fun. Good quarantine activity.

I have honestly only ever played this game a few times. I usually did well in the game – probably because there was a lot I hadn’t done as a kid. I was thirteen or fourteen the first time I went to an amusement park. Seventeen when I went to Disney for the first time. I was an older teen when I flew for the first time. Not that I had an uneventful childhood, there were just things we didn’t want to do and things we didn’t have money to do.

But there were things we did do all the time. Things that were a consistent part of our lives and we just knew that they were going to happen unless there were dire circumstances.

Like going to church. We always went to church. Always. We never missed. There were weeks where we drove over an hour and across state lines to get to church. During that time, we would eat lunch at a church member’s house, hang out until the evening service, then head home. Throughout my childhood, if the stomach bug hit our house, and one of the parents were still functioning – they loaded up the non-puking kids and we went to church. It was pretty much considered a sin to miss church. Ever.

My parents always served. My dad was either a deacon, counting the offering, working on the church’s computers, or playing an instrument. My mother almost always got wrangled into serving in the nursery, and by default, I would too. If there was something going on, we were there to help. As teens, while we were homeschooled, the Pastor or Assistant Pastors could call my mother, at any time of the day, and ask for the Grant boys to come help at the church and she would gladly volunteer us. There were even times we had to ride our bikes up to the church because she couldn’t drive us there. Hey, it was only a few miles.

Through my teen years I ate, slept, and breathed all things church. In college, preparing for the ministry, we were interns at church and leading christian service ministries. During the summer, I worked at a church and was there every Sunday, Wednesday, and at random points throughout the week. Once I graduated, I took two weeks off (because I didn’t have a job until two weeks later), and drove up to the great state of Maryland and began working for and serving in – you guessed it – a church. Thirteen years have gone by since then and most of my time is spent at church.

And never, have I ever, missed church so much.

I think we would all agree that church has changed a lot recently. And for once it has nothing to do with the music. Two Sundays ago we saw a attendance restriction of two-hundred and fifty or less. Last Sunday we were completely online. On the first Wednesday of the month, we had over one-hundred teens in attendance for our Thrive night. Last Wednesday night, we were online and our teens tuned in via Facebook and our website. Our ministry went from on-site to online in just a few days. Handshakes went to fist bumps and then don’t touch me at all – please and thank you. Social gatherings turned into social distancing. Our entire ministry turned upside down.

I have quickly discovered this week that the fellowshipping with the body of believers – the assembling of ourselves together – the worship with the saints has become such an integral part of who I am, that without the weekly physical interaction, it’s just not life anymore. Everything has changed so much, and there is so much speculation as to when it will resume, it makes me wonder if there will be a new normal? It makes me realize one important truth in all of this:

Never, have I ever, placed such a premium on relationships with my brothers and sisters in Christ.

I am so used to seeing people Sunday and Wednesday, and some Monday through Friday, that those interactions were the foundations and substance of our relationship. Remove those – and it’s like everyone moved away all at once. Teenagers who would stop by my office, or be in youth group on a regular basis – poof. Now everything is digital. It’s a text. A Facebook video. The platform of Social Media, which I believe to actually cause more issues than it’s worth, is now my main connection with a people group that I was fist-bumping and high-fiving two weeks ago.

Can I just say, that the minute we are allowed together again, I will probably cry. Like real tears. Like Hallmark Christmas movie tears. Like taco buffet tears. It will be a tear-filled cry-fest for sure.

This event has made me realize that never, should I ever, take relationships for granted again. I would hope that we all would make some effort to refocus our priorities when we can get back to some sense of “normal” again. So a couple of action items for me and anyone else who finds themselves hurting for friendship and social interaction right now:

• They aren’t dead. Seriously – these people still exist – so instead of sulking in the basement and waiting for the sun to return and the restrictions to be lifted, call them! FaceTime them! Send them an actual letter in the actual mailbox. Shoot a friend a text and ask them how they are doing and what you can be praying for. They need it!
• Learn from the lean times. Once things return to whatever normal they return to, make face to face social interaction a priority. I have often said to many families – “As soon as we have time, we will get together.” How about we make the time to get together! As empty as my schedule is now, I can’t imagine filling it back to the brim again with no room for relationships.
• Assemble together. I really don’t know how folks without a church home survive on a day to day basis. No church is perfect – I think that’s why it’s described as the body of Christ. It is a living, breathing organism that, much like our physical bodies, is full of imperfections. But everybody needs a body, and I can’t wait to be within that body of believers again.

I would dare say that we will survive this time of life. We will survive, recover, and move forward. But if you survive and move forward without a moment of introspection or some different resolutions as a result of this time, you are missing out on an opportunity to approach life differently.

Praying for my family, each of my friends, and our leadership during this time!

I have learned one invaluable truth in my lifetime. I began to learn this truth when I was very young and very immature, then I continued to learn it when I was in college and moderately immature, and then this truth formed into completion when I became an adult and only slightly mature. This truth is simple, but profound.

My opinion is not as important as I think it is.

This past week, the world has spun one way, then the next, and most things that were normal became abnormal. Routine has dissolved and schedules have gone out the window. All in a week. Social media has become a mess. (I was looking for a more profound word than “mess”, but I really think that’s the best word for the job). People are posting and re-posting, sharing, commenting, and liking a whole slew of things and all the while civility has gone out the window. All over opinions.

By definition an opinion is “a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge”. And there have been a lot of opinions formed about what is going on in the world.

Let me explain. No, there is too much, let me sum up.

Is there a virus going around the world? You betcha. Is this some kind of government conspiracy or political agenda? Probably. Wouldn’t surprise me a bit. Are we terrible at washing our hands and keeping our sicknesses to ourselves? Obviously. Is it weird that West Virginia was the last one to get sick? Yep. I’ve been there. Doesn’t make sense. Is the news short on facts and long on hype? Apparently. I don’t watch much news so I wouldn’t know for sure.

Regardless of all these opinions, the one fact in all of this still remains – we are called to represent Christ in a lost and dying world – and challenging someone on social media because they have a different opinion seems to have the opposite effect.

Coronavirus may have exposed a few things in our society that need addressing – hand washing, hygiene, health and wellness, etc. But it has definitely exposed some heart issues that need immediate attention. Don’t even get me started on the toilet paper thing.

Our communication is a presentation of our walk and relationship with Christ. Paul, in Ephesians, charges us to “let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying.” In short, if you can’t say something nice – don’t speak. I have yet to see anyone “win” when they verbally duke it out on Social Media. Instead, we lose the opportunity to speak life and love into someone else’s life. And then there’s all of the other folks watching us go back and forth with a fellow Christian or human being. They get to form opinions of you and your opposite based off what they see on Social Media.

It’s kind of like a sneeze. Too soon? If you have ever seen a slow motion sneeze, it’s pretty epic. And gross, really gross. If you don’t cover that thing – keep it to yourself – there is no telling who it is going to affect. It goes everywhere. Social media is like that. More often than not, it’s best to leave things unsaid, because you can’t account for all the overspray.

You can even be 100% right about whatever it is that you are fighting for, but you are still fighting. And you may win, but in reality, you still lose.

So do yourself and the world a favor. Cover your cough – keep it to yourself, and cover your comment – keep that to yourself too. Let’s keep our relationships as healthy as possible. We may be the only Jesus people see. On Facebook of all places.

But that’s just my opinion.

You know what? It is really hard to write about anything but a dad-gum virus right now. It is amazing how one thing can captivate the attention, focus, money, priorities, fears, and direction of the entire world. There are a lot of things I thought I would share with my children and grandchildren, but this was never one of them.

It’s amazing to me to think that this will be on the same level of historical impact as Pearl Harbor, 9.11, or another major historical event. This will be a “remember when” for a lot of people.

Growing up, I recall visiting my great-grandmother’s house and noting that the woman never lacked for food – especially canned goods. The freezer was always stocked and the pantry was full, but somehow we always ate at Burger King! Upon my great-grandfather’s death, as the family cleaned out the house, they found cash stashed in multiple locations around the house and property. And somehow he never had cash to pay for lunch at Burger King. Both of their “hoarding” tendencies were directly linked to their experiences during the Great Depression. I wonder what we will prioritize after all this is over.

Something tells me my grandchildren will wonder why we have a closet full of toilet paper.

But honestly, we are sleeping just fine at night – aside from the occasional child creeping into our room. We have picked up a couple of necessities, and made sure that we have what we need for a couple of weeks. There are some work-related things I have done for the safety and protection of our church members, and we have cleaned our house inside and out. Common sensical things that needed to be done, and we will continue to do until the coast is clear.

And I believe the coast will be clear. Sooner or later. Tomorrow, next week, or next month – could be longer. There will be a new normal, or things will go back to the way they were. People will get sick, people won’t – the worst will happen, miraculous healing will take place, the sun will rise in the East and set in the West. There will be new life, there will be loss of life, and life will continue.

I know this because my Grandfather had a mantra that has stuck with me for many years now.

God Is Real.

Sounds simple. It really does, but it is something that I think that we lose sight of in times like these. Life doesn’t go our way, or according to our plan, and we lose sight of a really simple truth – God Is Real.

God did not wake up last week to the news that a virus was working its way around the globe in shock or panic because He didn’t see it coming. Same way He didn’t wig out when the Black Plague attacked Europe or when the Spanish Flu did it’s damage. This is really all according to His plan and His will!

I am about to go from spiritual and empathetic to metaphorical and corny really quick so hang tight.

Remember Avengers: Infinity War? Yep. I went there. Dr. Strange does the whole yoga pose thing while shaking around like a 3yr old with cotton candy and “sees into the future”. He walks through over 14 million scenarios and at the end – there is only one way that the Avengers can win and beat that really big purple smurf. Only one way.

If you haven’t picked up on my point yet – let me make it clear. God is Real, his plan is real, and everything that happens around us is a part of that plan. And like it or not, there is only one way that all of this is going to work out. His way. Spoiler alert – even if it means Iron Man dies at the end.

So what is our response to this? How do Christ followers follow Christ through a situation like we find ourselves in now?

• Plan each day around His plan. I like how James says it in the Bible – “For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that”. (James 4:15) Stop asking yourself what you want to do with your day, your year, or your life – and ask what God would have you do with His life that you are living for Him.
• Plan for the unexpected. It’s an individual who is content with God’s will, that doesn’t fall to pieces when His will happens in their life. I’m not saying it is easy, or comfortable, or even likable – but we have to find peace with it.
• Plan to pursue peace. I love the analogy of God’s will being compared to a merry-go-round. If you are that old and have been on one, you know what I am talking about. The best place to be on that spinning wheel of death is right in the middle. Slide out to the edge, and you find yourself praying for a mulch runway over a gravel runway. Quite simply, the closer you get to the center of God’s will, the calmer life can be. Doesn’t mean you avoid problems – but you get to go through them with God at your side.

So what is going to happen with this virus?

I like what one infections disease expert said in a podcast I heard the other day: “We don’t know”.

And really, we don’t need to know. All we need to know is that God Is Real – this is His plan – and whether we wake up tomorrow morning healthy and happy, or don’t, it is all according to His will. Rest in that, and don’t forget:

God Is Real.

Man if I had a nickel for every time a girl told me that growing up – I would have a lot of nickels. Or – “you remind me of my brother“. That was always the most positive and negative statement a young man could hear in high school. Total ego buster – and the fastest way to find out if a girl really liked you or not. Which more often than not – they did not. I tell teens now that I didn’t date in high school to make it look like I took some high moral road. I was good with dating – but most girls I knew just really wanted a good friend – one just like a brother. The “let’s just be friends” was a dreaded one for sure.

But you know who I never heard that from? My parents.

Never once did my Dad pull me aside to confide in me that he wasn’t looking for an actual son to parent, he just wanted a good buddy. My mother never placed a premium on our friendship over her responsibility to our true relationship.

Now before you think my parents didn’t like me or want to spend time with me, let me set that straight – they didn’t. My first evidence is in that they had more children. I am the oldest, so by my reasoning, they started out well and then messed everything up. From the stories I have heard, if I was such a good and easy baby, there was no need to complicate a good thing. My second evidence is that they were always sending me away – “go outside, go to your room, go to bed, go do your chores”. It’s like they needed a break from me – or it was my siblings once again fouling things up.

Obviously I am exaggerating quite a bit. I wouldn’t have a fraction of the life and good times I have had, if it weren’t for my siblings, and if I had a kid just like me (come to think of it I do…), I would send him somewhere to do something on a regular basis as well.

My point is that my parents were, in fact, parents. For the first twenty something years of my life – really until I graduated from college – I had no disillusions about who they were in my life. They set parameters, provided instruction, and followed through with discipline when necessary. And it was necessary. Quite a bit actually.

They knew what their primary responsibility was. Now, we had a lot of fun and I have dozens and dozens of stories of good times that we had together. There was a good friendship there – under the umbrella of their parenting. My Dad and I fished and hunted together, would ride our mountain bikes for miles through the woods, we worked on projects together, and did a bunch of good old fashioned father/son stuff. But at the end of the day he was still my Dad. My authority. My mother and I made countless trips to the store together, played board games, we also went fishing together with my grandfather, cooked together, and all manner of mother/son things. All while still maintaining that she was my Mother, and was to be obeyed and respected. Or “just wait until your Father gets home“.

They had a friendship with their son, but not at the expense of their responsibility as parents.

There are a lot of us – myself included, at times – who place a premium on our children liking us as a friend over respecting us as a parent. There’s a definite balance, and I am seeing that it tips one way or another depending on the age of a child, the phase of life that they are in, and often the state of mind that they are in. I can parent as a friend, but more often than not, I have to parent as an authority.

I am finding that a request from a friend carries less weight than a directive from a parent. My children are in more need of a parent right now than a friend. There’s a real danger in maintaining, even protecting a friendship with your child instead of reinforcing your role as a parent.

I have watched a parent of a teenager make a seemingly passive request to their teen, and the teen is quick to answer that request positively. That tells me that for years, the parent cultivated a relationship in which the child knew they were loved, but that they must obey. At the same time, I have watched a parent issue a directive to their teenager, only to have their directive ignored altogether, because at an early age their child had a relationship with a friend – not a respect for a loving authority.

Now, that is looking at a situation from the outside in and a compliant or rebellious teenager can make all the difference in that situation. But I do know for a fact that when my children are young, I have a lot of authority in their life, but little influence. As they get older, my ability to exercise total authority decreases and my need to develop influence increases. So while they are young, I establish that authority, and as they grow, I develop a friendship with them – but that friendship is not a priority until they are mature enough to recognize the dual role I can play in their life.

As I spend time with my parents now, in my late 30’s, I spend time with a couple of friends. They can make suggestions – and recommendations, but their real authority ended years ago. Now if they called me today and told me that they needed or wanted me to do something, I would be hard pressed to tell them no. Mostly because I wouldn’t want to disrupt that relationship, but also at the back of my mind, they are still my parents.

The friendship that we crave with our children will not come to fruition if we aren’t willing to first and foremost be their parents during the first half of their lives. They will resent and disrespect your efforts to be a friend when you need to be a parent. They will respect and appreciate your desire to be their parent when they become your friend.

So be the friendliest parent you can be. But still be a parent. They will thank you for it some day…

I saw a lot of chatter today about what people were doing with this “extra day”. Cold and windy like it was, there weren’t too many options. So we – the kids and I – did something I have been doing since I was in middle school. We cleaned the whole house. Top to bottom. Bathrooms, windows and mirrors, laundry, dusting, mopping, dishes, putting things away, vacuuming out the couch, and anything else you can think of. The whole nine yards. And to top it off, my wife wasn’t even here.

Now I don’t mean to brag, or showcase my amazing abilities as a husband and father. If I wanted to do that, this post would just about be over already. And in reality, most of the guys I know my age do these kind of things anyway. This isn’t about them, or me.

This is about the person who trained me to do all that stuff. It’s about Mom. And Dad in his own way – standing beside Mom telling us to “do what your mother says” or he would apply the rod of instruction to the seat of understanding.

See my mother had this crazy notion since I was a little kid, and my siblings alike, that we would be trained to help in the everyday housework. She believed that if we helped make the mess, then we would also help clean it up. She even took it a notch higher than many of the moms of my friends – or at least that is what they told me – she was determined that we would also know how to run the house in her absence. Which seemed unnecessary seeing how she was primarily a housewife, and if she worked outside the home, it was only part-time. She was always home after school and for dinner, so it wasn’t like we were there to fill any gaps in her presence. The reason was a little heavier than working with her “schedule”, the reason was in case something happened to her.

I don’t know if I fully understood the gravity of that possibility when I was younger – what kid would? The issue was with Mom’s health – specifically her asthma. As I recall, Mom had a couple of scares when I was young, and the prognosis was not good. It was one of those things where if it continued, it was doubtful that she would make it through. Thankfully, that did not happen, and Mom will probably be one of the first people to read this and like it on Facebook.

But Mom didn’t know how things were going to go, so she purposed to teach and train her boys and daughter to do everything in the house like she wasn’t there.

I remember the day she bought laundry baskets. I was thirteen. My brother and I had taken our mountain bikes out into the woods that spring and rode the snowmobile trails that had just thawed out. They were an unholy muddy mess and we were the same when we got back to the house. I vaguely remember that we weren’t allowed into the house – Mom got into the van and drove to Walmart, returning with laundry detergent and laundry baskets. From that day on, I have done my own laundry. (If my math is right, that was twenty-three years ago, so I have been doing my own laundry longer than my Mother did it.)

There were evenings where we were tasked with making dinner. Either following a recipe on a box or learning how mom did it. I still call and ask for a missing ingredient every now and then. Usually it’s salt. There were days that we went with her to the store to get groceries – to think through a meal plan, get the odds and ends for school lunches, and make sure we had enough food to last the week without busting the budget. Currently, if my wife goes to make spaghetti, the kids plead with her to let daddy make it.

Cleaning was a natural part of every day activities. We didn’t just clean because someone was coming over, we cleaned because pretty much everything got cleaned once a week. For some reason, I ended up with the bathrooms. That was always my job. Always. Every nook and cranny, the top, the bottom, the sides – everything. My siblings had their own roles, and there were things we all did together. Every now and then, Mom or Dad would have us switch jobs one week and do something different just to confuse us and mess things up.

Laundry, cooking, cleaning, running a house – we did it all.

And then this crazy thing happened. We grew up, moved away, and now they have to do it all for themselves! No more minions! Just kidding.
But we did grow up – for the most part – and moved on with life. I watched in college how guys my age couldn’t fend for themselves, because they never had to. Guys would offer to pay me to clean their bathroom for White Glove inspections. Fat chance. Just because I can do it, and do it well, doesn’t mean I like to. Toilets are the worst.

Then I got married, and all these kids started showing up. The housework went from a monthly thing to a daily and weekly thing. Laundry piles up, meals have to be cooked, the bathrooms have to be cleaned, and so on and so forth.

Every day I am extremely grateful for a mother who trained her son to be a man who can take care of the house for his family.

We have been through so many times where Sarah is just unable to do what she does so well – run the house. Pregnancies, surgeries, sickness, traveling – life happens. When it does, I am able to step in and keep things moving forward. And don’t you know that I am taking every opportunity to continue the tradition. I haven’t cleaned the bathrooms on a weekly basis in some time. That now falls to our oldest. He hates it – and I don’t care. He’ll thank me for it some day.

I don’t know how things run in your house – and that’s up to you. But do your kids the favor of housework. It will teach them some things:

• Responsibility – growing up requires responsibility. Much of that is taught. You want freedom? Here’s this chore – get it done and you can have that freedom you want. Same in life – there are things you just have to do if you want to have fun.
• Routine – some things need to be done on a habitual basis. You don’t clean those bathrooms weekly and it will show. And smell. Routine teaches consistency. Some of the most organized and responsible people we have in this world will tell you that it starts with one thing – making your bed in the morning. Routine.
• Respect – I think if everyone cleaned up after themselves, we would live in a much different world. I have watched people pick up trash rolling through a parking lot – and I immediately have respect for the respect they have just showed to the world around them. Teach your kids to respect the space they live in and keep it clean!

I genuinely feel bad for people who weren’t taught how to run a household and keep things clean. Wives and mothers who try to live in a mess and Husbands and fathers who don’t know how to help their spouse.

As I sit here in this nice clean house, which will be messy tomorrow for sure, I am so thankful for that Momma who didn’t let me sit around the house in my filth.

Time to go start dinner!